Longing

My first memory was at a very early age, somewhere between nine and twelve months. I was sitting in my highchair in the dining room where my mother was feeding me lunch. Through the Venetian blinds I could see my father pedaling his bike down the driveway with my brother securely buckled in the jumpseat.  At that moment my mother spooned mashed carrots into my mouth and I gagged. I hated cooked carrots for a very long time. While an unpleasant aspect of that memory, my longing to be with my father overshadowed it and was so vivid I could literally feel the breeze on my cheeks as if I were riding behind him.

During the process of writing my spiritual autobiography a number of years ago I realized this had been my first emotional spiritual memory. God had placed a longing in my heart for Him through this early, early memory. My most abiding spiritual feeling is one of longing to be in relationship with Him and is often at the beginning edge of my creative process.

End Notes - The initial sketch which appears in the collage was composed during Immersion Week, Mt Calvary Monastery, Santa Barbara, Mar 1999. The scanned collage image includes photos of my father taken in 1935, of me in 1945, my childhood home in Ventura, and the plate from a set I used as a child. Baby carrots, carrot top greenery and a spoked wheel complete the composition that was composed entirely on the bed of a scanner.